I’m not sure what Arizona’s motto is, but I have a few suggestions.
Sabra and I are here over spring break to take in a couple of Cubs spring training games, golf and visit friends in Tucson.
Like a blind man giving his impression of an elephant, I should keep in mind that what I feel about this state is based on limited experiences, but not knowing everything has never stopped me before from expressing opinions.
With that said, my first nomination for the state’s motto is the pavement state. Side streets here are four lanes wide, main roads six to eight, and major thoroughfares are a dozen or more lanes abreast. Besides the roads, parking lots are so big that the stores they serve are often obscured by the curvature of the earth.
The pedicure state is another option. Within a few blocks of our hotel there are half dozen places to get your nails done. Actually this is a service that I’ve come to take advantage of as I approach my senior years. While I am not so fat yet that I can’t see my feet, the ability to bend over and clip my nails with any skill has long since left me. As a result my toes curl up in my shoes, and I go through socks faster then a six pack on Friday night. For the record, whenever I get my nails done I have them painted bright orange so my cuffs match my collar. Call me metrosexual but not a sissy or I’ll hit you with my man purse.
Home of the fast food franchise should also be in the running. Within a five mile radius there appears to be about a thousand places to eat offering everything from 39 cent tacos to half-off sushi but nary one independently-owned restaurant with real life waiters.
The geezer state is another option. An item in the local newspaper said that nearby Scottsdale has the oldest population of any city in the country. Old farts are everywhere, limping along with oversized hats, varicose veins and sunglasses, clogging up buffet lines and restroom queues. It does have one advantage, however, as I haven’t felt so young in ages.
The fences, not solar panels state is one that I’m sad to offer. Nearly 335 days a year are sunny here, yet of the hundreds of homes I’ve walked past, I’ve seen exactly one residential solar panel. At the same time nearly every house has a six-foot tall fence. This despite the fact that there are very few people who venture out on the street other than the landscapers, and an occasional cyclist or walker. Nary a shady character to be found much less a roving gang of house plunderers. To be fair I should note that Arizona is third in the country in producing solar energy.
The this-is-the-year-state is the last I’d like to propose. Admittedly, this is unfair as there are baseball fans from all over the country here and the Cubs are only one of the many major league teams that vie in the Cactus League every spring. But I’m a Cubs fan, so I propose my Cubs fan motto.
Remember, you heard first from me that this is the year for the Chicago Cubs. There are a bunch of no-names now that are going to pull it off this year, eating the New York Yankees at home in seven. It’s going to happen. Any team can have a bad century.